If you were undergoing a medical procedure tomorrow that would give you some very important information about an existential threat, what would you be doing today?

If you’re me, the answer is: figuring out how to smuggle three large bags of vegan popcorn, a twelve-pack of pareve cupcakes, ten mini bottles of spring water, and some empty cups, into a movie theater. And then escorting seven children (with three adults) across the West Side Highway, possibly in the rain.

It passes the time, anyway…