That isn’t a quiz score, thank goodness. But it is the result of my latest vision test, thanks to a recurrence of the ocular side effects of my targeted therapy treatment (which lasted from 2015-2020 but which has apparently fucked up my retinas for, like, ever). Curious what 20/80 looks like? Here’s a simulation:

What’s even more maddening is that my vision isn’t uniformly bad like the example above. It is this blurry, but with the floaters weaving in and out, it’s sort of like trying to see and read through the wavy filter they used to use on TV to denote a flashback or a dream sequence. It does not pair well with my ADHD distractibility.

I saw my retina specialist last on January 5. My vision was 20/25 then, and everything was quiet and he told me I could come back next year.

My vision has been blurry for a while. I’m an unreliable narrator because I went and complicated matters by resuming contact lens wearing. That was fun while it lasted, but I definitely won’t be wearing contacts again while I’m using steroid eye drops, which I will have to do about four times a day for a while. Also, next Monday, I get to return to the retina doctor for a steroid injection in each eye. (If you have seen the landmark film of Surrealism, Un chien andalou, you’ll know what I will be thinking about until that’s over.)

At least it’s not surgery? As I told a colleague yesterday, you really can get used to anything. When you get an eye injection, they numb your eye first, and they insert something so you can’t blink. I guess it helps. I’m grateful that a neighbor can drive me to the procedure that day, because J. will be recovering from a routine colonoscopy he’s having. What a pair we’ll be!

However, with the amount of steroids destined for my eyes, I’m risking developing a cataract in my left eye. I am a “steroid responder,” which sounds like something positive, but it isn’t (unless you’re a cataract surgeon). Prolonged use of steroid eye drops caused a cataract to form in my right eye, which I’ve already dealt with via surgery. (After that surgery, a new medical condition appeared in my chart: pseudophakia, which means “false lens.” 🙄)

Still and all? This isn’t a recurrence of cancer. So I guess I count that as a blessing.

If you haven’t yet had a chance, here’s part 2 of my interview for the Changed by Cancer podcast:

Additionally, I introduced the host, Dr. Randi Paynter, to my college roommate and friend of 36 years, Marissa. Her interview is now available, and it will truly blow your mind. Part 1 Part 2. I’m proud of Marissa for sharing her journey with MS and cancer.

Randi has been doing a wonderful job with the podcast. I hope you will all subscribe to the YouTube channel for updates!

I better go. The crazy floaters in my visual field seem to exacerbate my ADHD, and my 2nd year med students all did presentations last week which I have yet to grade.

I was in Sun Valley, Idaho, last week with my mom for some mountain air and classical music, so I’ll leave you with some photos from that welcome escape. I look forward to enjoying the views in my photos without spidery floaters in the way, soon…