Next week (well, the second half of the week): Serenity. Now: Endurance.

This is the week before the kids’ week-long break from school. I had decided Sunday night that this week would be devoted to ME and MY WELL-BEING. I’d be going to classes at the gym four mornings in a row. I’d get a handle on what I was eating again, and drink much more water. I’d schedule two hour time blocks on my calendar specifically earmarked for writing projects. So much good stuff. I’d come to the end of each day feeling I’d really ACCOMPLISHED something. I’d “fill my bucket” and be refreshed and ready for four days solo with the kids. And that would make the fact that J is leaving Friday for a long-awaited ski trip easier for me to bear, with grace and good cheer!

And then stray cats yowling like injured babies kept me awake a good portion of Sunday night. I should have sensed it was a bad omen.

I went to the gym Monday morning, at least. Then I had another email nudging me about the translation project I’d burned out on and which I felt like I’d already spent too much time on. They still were in no hurry, just curious. I decided to just finish it – there was about an hour of work left. That turned into closer to two hours, of course, because I had to toggle between two different video clips – one with good audio and the other with the timecode I needed for the transcription. And then it was pickup time. By about 6 p.m. I was falling over from sleep deprivation. Young J suggested I go to bed at 9. I actually listened, and slept so many hours I had to keep forcing myself back to sleep until my usual wakeup time. (Naturally, we all overslept.)

Young A woke up very congested yesterday, and even though he wasn’t feverish, it seemed cruel to send him to school. He sure was peppy though. I spent what felt like twelve hours sitting on the floor sifting through Legos, because we’d decided on an ambitious project, to rebuild a giant house Young J got for his birthday a couple years ago. It has a brick that really lights up. Young A had shown me the brick earlier in the morning with great excitement. Of course, by the time we’d spent about three hours building up to the point we’d need it, the light brick got lost. Irretrievably lost. Evaporated into the space where all lost things go. Young A’s interest in the project waned immediately, and he sank into TV for a while. That was no break for me, because he chose an educational show and said, “Maybe you can actually learn something, Mama.” So instead of collapsing in my bed, I was schooled by the Brothers Kratt. Now I know to stay far away from hippos. Useful!

My mood took a turn for the worse, also because Young A was starving and ate lunch at 10:45 a.m., but I could not eat until noon due to my medication timing. Young A seemed a bit listless, but as the day went on his condition improved. When he began behaving in his usual way (e.g. impossibly), we knew he was fine. He returned to school today.

Which would mean I could resume my schedule of self-improvement, right? Sure. Except I’m chaperoning Young A’s field trip this morning! On the one hand, I’m happy to do it, he’s happy I’m doing it, and we’re going to a classical music performance, which is something I’ve done with Young J, but not so much with Young A.

On the other hand, see above. I’ll be busy until 1:30 and the kids come home at 4. That leaves me a few hours today, and all of tomorrow, to cram. I have spent my adult life trying to escape the mantle of procrastination which has cloaked me from childhood. And I still can’t seem to.

To cheer myself up, and to give Young A some satisfaction, I’m wearing this necklace today. Young A made it for me at camp last summer. I keep it on my nightstand, and he always hopes I’ll wear it when I am going out.

There, Young A – you get your wish! I will keep hanging on by my fingernails waiting for mine to come true.