Steroid withdrawal has me in its clutches again. I can barely crawl out of bed in the morning (or really, any time I make the mistake of lying down). This should serve me really well when I’m solo with the kids for a few days next week. I’m also coming off Keppra, which is what usually knocks me out, so there’s all that to consider also. On the plus side, I’m not a raging Decadron maniac anymore. (I don’t think.)

There are also the pains you learn to try to ignore when you are kicking steroids. My underarms are sore, making me check my lymph nodes obsessively for swelling. My left ring finger currently hurts so much – extreme, almost arthritic pain – that I’ve had to relocate my wedding ring to my right hand. It feels strange there, like maybe I’ve gone and remarried someone else.

But no, it is still the same J, the wonderful guy I married. I just went to check while he washed the dishes. I swear I don’t know where he gets his stamina, especially when it comes to being with the kids when they’ve driven me up the wall long ago. Perhaps the fact that he has not been on steroids helps a little.

I need to bounce back, and I know what it takes, having been in this position more than once. Unfortunately, a lot of what it takes is time for myself, time to rebuild my good routines of fitness, meal planning, life planning, etc. And that won’t be possible for the next week, while the kids are out of school. So I’m heading into a week of survival mode, after which (assuming I survive the week) I will reconstruct what needs reconstructing.

The birthday cake is finally gone. Soon the cookies will be, too, and the chocolate. Soon, the calendar page turns, and the new one reeks of renewal. Of second, third, who’s-even-counting-anymore chances. At least I don’t need to build a whole new routine. I just have to reinhabit the old one. I wonder if that will make it easier??