I feel totally rejected. Dejected. Ejected. It’s my second day with my Decadron dose cut in half, obviously. This means I’m not functioning at top speed. In fact, I am barely able to do much at all, other than send emails to neighbors complaining about noise that began at 6 a.m. which they apparently did not cause (still no clue about where it came from), causing neighbors to reply semi-indignantly to the apparently incorrect accusation.

But I did do something today. Many things. J and I were both up early so we made a good breakfast for a weekday (J’s awesome home fries, and eggs). We had a reasonably nice meal with the kids. And I managed to get ready to go to the gym and went there after dropping off the kids. I let them just run in again – have possibly given up on the CGKC (Campaign for Greater Kid Civility), now that the steroids are on the wane.

At the gym I did some half-hearted abs things but mostly stretched, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to fall asleep on my foam roller. Wednesdays are a kind of a self-guided class so falling asleep would have been totally fine. Except I’m still stubborn enough to want to try to get my money’s worth. The gym owner, M, invited me over to try the latest thing – using a superball – yes, the super bouncy rubber thing that is the bane of every apartment-dwelling parent’s existence, to loosen up tight hamstrings. These are to replace the Pinky balls which had been in use at the gym but which get too loose after a while. I tried the superball on my hamstrings, and it was fine, but ultimately moved it to the soles of my feet, and OHMYGOD I could have stayed there all day. So, so good. I consider that my major accomplishment for the day, loosening up my very gnarled feet. At the end of a session at the gym you’re supposed to feel really sleek. Today I felt like a jar of this after my workout – and it was fine.

Nutella Love <3, by Natsumii on Flickr, licensed under Creative Commons

I came home and took my meds. All I wanted to do was eat, just like the past week or two, but I can’t eat for an hour after taking them, so I went to sleep instead. When I woke up, I was starved and raving. J and I went to lunch. I cannot eat enough carbs and sugar. And I feel lousy when I do, but not lousy enough to stop. I know this will pass, and I’ll once again have healthy cravings, but for now I’m just rolling with them. We did some errands after lunch. I still have enough steroids in me to make to do lists. But I was simply exhausted when we got back. I got back in bed and slept deeply until it was time to get the kids, then rolled over and kept sleeping while J went to pick them up.

I woke up to the news about San Bernardino, and almost kept on sleeping, pillows over my head. I don’t know what the world is coming to. And this is something we are saying to ourselves every day now.

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