I was walking to the eye doctor today (still being treated for iritis – no longer hurts but still don’t have great vision in that eye) and got the most ridiculous, fleeting thought:
What if all of this was fake? What if the initial results of my biopsy were swapped with someone else’s by mistake? What if everything from that point on has been a cover up? The drugs they gave me were real, not placebos – at least, not the ones that made me so sick in November.
You do what you have to do with silly thoughts like these – acknowledge them and move on. Unless you are a conspiracy theorist and have a strong feeling you’ve been turned into an unwitting tool of Big Pharma, that is.
It made me think of Capricorn One, a movie I saw when I was way too young to worry about authenticity or truth.
I’ll just leave you to ponder how weird my brain is, that I can suddenly have a moment where I wonder if all of this was fake.
Then I trip up in my speech, like today when I said words like “prefix” and “progress” before getting to the word I really wanted – “project.” Am I just tired? Do I need caffeine? Or is this the new normal after gamma knife surgery? Stay tuned.