Day One, today. Or was it Day Zero? In any case, it was kind of a busy one, but at the same time there seemed to be a real lack of momentum.
I had to take Young A for an evaluation to see if he needs any support at school. We walked through the bitter cold, but he was dressed to the ears in his coat, snow pants and boots, so he was chipper and excited to be out of school in the middle of the day. He disappeared into another room with the psychologist and his lunch box, and 90 minutes later I had to coax him to leave, since he was in his glory, swimming in a sea of wooden train tracks. He’d eaten all of his lunch.
I spent those 90 minutes with the social worker, answering – or trying to – social history questions about Young A. Does any parent of a child who is nearly five remember when that child first spoke two or three word phrases? Especially when it’s not a firstborn child? I sure don’t. (Mom, I can finally forgive you for not remembering what my first word was.) I couldn’t even be sure if A chews with his mouth open, but I don’t think so. I did mention the cancer, since it affected Young A when I was sick.
I had a meeting at the school later in the afternoon, about a project I’m working on there, so I had about two hours to kill. I totally squandered them on things that don’t really apply anymore – bad eating and excessive bed rest. It was so cold I told myself I’d get in bed to just warm my feet up and take a 20 minute nap. I wound up not actually sleeping but just lying in bed surfing the web on my phone. Net gain: I fell asleep while watching TV tonight. I need work on getting upright again. I hit the gym once this week, planning to make it a habit, but my schedule made it impossible. Or rather, I convinced myself it was impossible.
I’ve fallen into some bad habits or patterns of behavior. The scale doesn’t lie, so I shouldn’t either. This weekend – a kid-free one, as J and I belatedly celebrate our anniversary – doesn’t seem like the optimal time to be turning over a new leaf. I’ve heard from some people that I should give myself a break. But part of me feels like that’s exactly what I’ve been doing all these past months, and it’s time to get tough. I’ve succeeded before – giving up all sugar for a month at a time, losing weight, upping my exercise routine – so there’s no reason it can’t happen now. I should do it, even though it seems like a huge cliché to make these types of self-improving resolutions at this time of year.
But… didn’t I just achieve my resolution for this year, and in record time?