I’m back in operation. That is, back to my habitual frenzy of activity. Back to composing to-do lists before I collapse, exhausted, at night.

I’m not feeling particularly energetic, but I am exercising regularly again, and I think that’s making all the difference. Not in my waistline, per se, since we are smack in the middle of Birthday Season (which in our family runs from December to March – oof), and also Chanukah and then we’ll probably carry the over-indulgence into New Year’s. But it does give a center to my day, to plan it around exercise. Exercise as fulcrum.

I wish I also had to carve out time to apply to jobs, but there seem to be fewer and fewer I am qualified for. My dinosaur status is all but confirmed. On the other hand, yesterday in a meeting concerning a volunteer project I’m doing at the kids’ school, I found myself suggesting a techie kind of project that I’d need to learn a bunch of new skills in order to actually do. I’m kind of excited about it, and hope it works out.

In the meantime my constant jobs of meal planner, party planner, custodian of random crap and rememberer of infinitesimal details (e.g. Young J to wear blue and white to school on Thurs) are secure. No one’s fighting me for those.

Perhaps if I can keep up this crazy pace the time between now and my scan and the results will fly by. I’ll be exhausted but you can deal with good news when you’re exhausted, right?

Last night at some point I woke up and tried a little guided visualization before falling back asleep. It was a little cartoonish, cells shooting at the tumors with a “pew! pew!” sound effect, and groaning from the tumors. Does that count? It made me smile, anyway.