Turns out the Monday I was dreading yesterday was waiting for me today. Our first mistake was relying on the kids to wake us. From time to time they sleep in, and this morning was one of those times. Young A made it through the night without any visits to us, a very welcome innovation that I hope he appreciates – I know I did. Unfortunately, when the kids sleep late, they are brimming with energy, and for morning purposes I prefer them more groggy and pliable.

My problems actually began last night, when J came home from work. I’d told him it was going to be fine for him to play basketball after dinner, meaning I would be solo with the kids through bath and bedtime. I did mean it when I said it would be okay. But it turns out I had already spent my battery for the day (going grocery shopping on my own for the first time in a month), and had not left time for a nap, and by the time J got home I was in no shape to spend the evening alone with the kids. It felt awful to make J cancel his plans. I dozed on and off throughout the evening.

I thought I was further along. The progress isn’t linear. And now it’s raw and cold out. On the bright side, back to the cancer center for a checkup this morning, and I’m getting there by subway and walking in to the building, instead of being wheeled in. I have to seize signs of progress where I find them.